


Names

by magebird



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 04:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/618035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magebird/pseuds/magebird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a cracky little fic about Arthur and Eames' names.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Names

“Darling, pass me a pen.”

Arthur lifted his head slowly from the diagram he’d been sketching to glare at Eames, who was lounging in one of the chairs they used for dreamers, holding out one hand and staring at the morning paper. It was folded open to the crossword.

“I asked you to stop calling me that.” Arthur said in a voice that just touched the edge of annoyance, “I don’t like it, and it gives people the wrong idea.”

Eames glanced up from the puzzle, raising an eyebrow, “But it’s your _name._ You can’t actually ask me to stop using your name.” He was wearing a shit-eating grin and nodded towards the paper, the picture of insolence, “So give me a pen, _Darling._ ”

It was unfortunate that Eames had quick reflexes, Arthur thought, or the pen would have caught him square between the eyes.

\---

“…And then Darling and I will head around this way to catch up with you before they cut us off.” Eames finished, tracing his finger along the map and glancing up across the table.

“Excuse me, who?” Ariadne asked, her expression blank. 

Arthur felt his stomach drop. “ _Eames._ ”

That smirk was back, “Oh, he hasn’t mentioned?” Eames jerked a thumb at Arthur, who knew the color was rising a little in his face, “His surname is Darling.”

For a second, Ariadne was able to maintain her composure, then she snorted in a thoroughly undignified laugh. “Seriously? Know the way to Never-Never Land?”

“Oh, haha.” Arthur snapped, grabbing the map off the table and folding it, “I’ve _never_ heard that one before.”

\---

“Darling!” The call cut through the chatter of the coffee shop clearly, and Arthur winced, twisting in his seat to see Eames waving at him from the door. Several of the other patrons had also turned around at the interruption, and were looking around for who he was calling to. “Cobb wants us all at the warehouse in half an hour, and I came to give you a lift, Darling.”

Arthur wanted to crawl under the table. Instead, he finished his coffee in one bitter swallow and got up to walk towards the door. The curvy brunette he’d been exchanging promising glances with gave him a funny look as he passed her, and he made an effort to shove Eames with his shoulder as he stepped by him and out into the street.

Eames fell into step beside him, and a second later attempted to loop his arm around Arthur’s so they would walk arm-in-arm.

“Get off.” Arthur snapped, and sped up to walk several yards ahead without looking back.

\---

Eames always left his wallet and his totem sitting on the little table beside his chair when he went into the dream, and with 2 minutes left on the clock and only Arthur awake, he couldn’t help himself. He picked up the leather wallet, careful to tip the poker chip onto the table without touching it, and flipped it open. There were at least half-a-dozen I.D.s inside, and Arthur shuffled through them. He happened to know Eames’ birthdate, from a surprise birthday Eames had thrown for himself in-dream the year before, and when he came to a U.K. driving license with the correct date, he stopped.

He stared.

“Jack,” he said, as soon as Eames was sitting up and looking around for his things. Eames went still. “Jack _ass._ ”

“What are you talking about?” Eames said, sounding uneasy.

“You’re given name, the one your mother picked for you on the day you were born, is _Jackass._ ”

By now the others were starting to get up, and Eames lunged to his feet, snatching at the license that Arthur kept just out of his reach.

“Jackass.” Arthur said, unable to keep the glee out of his voice. He didn’t need to wonder if that license was a fake, or a joke. The look of rage on Eames’ face was proof enough that it was genuine.

“I swear to everything you hold dear, Darling, if you use that name one more time I’ll—“

“Keep calling me Darling? I’ve got to say that of the two of us, you’ve got the more accurate name, Jackass.”

Eames glanced around to where Yusuf and Cobb were just pulling the needles out of their respective wrists, and then leaned close to Arthur’s ear, dropping his voice to a low whisper, “I swear I will never, ever, let you be on top again.”

Arthur slapped the license into his outstretched palm, and Eames closed his hand around it, tucking it hastily into an inner pocket.

Eames grinned as he turned and walked towards the other side of the room. Over his shoulder he turned back, and spoke in a voice pitched so the others could hear clearly. “Thanks, Darling. You know I really appreciate it.”


End file.
